I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
