Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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