i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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