He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
