i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
