Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
