i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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