I'm lost and stupid without you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
