we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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