i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
