My hand turned me down
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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