Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
