Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
