so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
