Sponge bath it is.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
