he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
