I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
