After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
