So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
