none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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