so explain again why im purple
no
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
