ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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