Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
