we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
