We named our party play list daddy issues
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
