I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
