Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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