The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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