I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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