I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
