I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
