i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
