i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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