He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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