You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
