it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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