Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
