i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
