I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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