doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
