Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
