the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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