Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
