He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
