New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
