Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
