remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
