someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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