I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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