Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A+ Viking dick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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