We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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