i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
