Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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