how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
