Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
