my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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