Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
