Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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