If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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