You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
