my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
