Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Randomize
