I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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