the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
