I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
