Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
