i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
