if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize