1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Screwed.edu
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
